When you speak

the words unique

"Once Upon A Time"

You think in the main

Of a magical domain

Spared of hurt or crime

​

I've toured Storyland

With a pen in my hand

And found a judiciary somewhat precocious

I took notes in their court

To file this report

My findings are truly atrocious

​

I witnessed subpoenas

For all misdemeanours

I saw the odium of rivalling factions

I saw fairy tale faces

Embattled in cases

I witnessed the following actions

​

Jack and Jill wouldn't leave

Until they could receive

A personal injuries order

Against the well

From whence they fell

Whilst fetching a pale of water

​

Humpty Dumpty then spoke

"My house is a joke

My landlord just didn't care

I had a great fall

From a badly kept wall

In desperate need of repair"

Humpty's manner was meek

He dressed up most chic

His shirt was bereft of all creases

But the judge didn't care

"You were a trespasser there!"

Poor Humpty was upset and in pieces

Red Riding Hood sought

To tell the family court

About her suspicious hunch

"Wolf" was done for molesting

Despite his protesting

That he just wanted her over for lunch

Goldilocks didn't pay

for her cursory stay

She stole porridge still piping hot

But her counsel contested

Asleep when arrested

She hadn't "made off from the spot"

​

The elves on night shift

Were thoroughly miffed

When, with thousands of shoes to repair

They were given the boot

And so took out a suit

Their dismissal was grossly unfair

​

The Emperor fought

Over a libellous report

In a tabloid he utterly loathed

They had claimed an exclusive 

With a headline abusive

OUR EMPEROR WAS OUT THERE UNCLOTHED

​

Pied Piper leapt from his chair

"Ten years is not fair

I am full of remorse and contrition

I seek a reduction

It wasn't abduction

I'm just a humble musician"

​

In the criminal dock

In a mild state of shock

Was a lady I once longed to embrace

There stood Cinderella

For soliciting a fella

My heroine had fallen from grace!